I have been faced with a relatively new dilemma. I realize that this is nothing new for the many nurses who have gone before me, but it's new for me, and frankly disappointing.
The other night I took care of a patient that was disrespectful, inappropriate, and manipulative. Part of me wanted to put him in his place and say something that would really insult him, and the other part of me fought to maintain my composure and be sympathetic to his situation. There was clearly more going on than the admitting diagnosis.
The most upsetting part of the whole situation isn't that he was completely rude, but more so that his conflicting words and actions made me question everything he said to me. I want to believe people, I want to tend to their needs, and go above and beyond for them, but he was clearly taking advantage of those characteristics. I can't help but question how this patient will influence my care for future patients. I will probably question what they say, and watch closely to see if words and actions line up. It's clear why nurses and other health care professionals reach a level of burn out. Yes there are the long hours, too many shifts in a row, and taking on more than you probably should because there is no one else......but what about the straight up BOLOGNA from the patients. It's no wonder nurses begin to form a thick shell of sarcasm, become cynical, and frankly get a little mean. I wish people weren't always trying to work the system. I wish people didn't act like everyone else owes them in some way. I wish people understood that things cause pain and it's usually impossible to completely get rid of it 100% of the time.....and the list goes on.
I guess I had some sort of naive assumption that my patients would be truthful and genuine and that we would work together as a team to return them to their optimum health. I am still holding on to the idea that this is true for most patients, but in the crowd are hiding a nurses worst nightmare to ruin it for everyone.
I know this is all a constant learning experience, I just hope the experiences don't change why I started this journey, and the kind of nurse I want to be. Hmm.....
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
God is God and I am not
So much has happened since I last posted. Eric finally moved down following graduation. It was good to get the opportunity to get back home and see family briefly. Eric's graduation went well and we were all so proud of his accomplishments.
It's been about a month now since he got here. It's definitely been a period of adjustment. Until this point we have not had the opportunity to live together as a married couple. Some days we rub each other the wrong way, and other days are pure joy. All the same, I am so thankful I get to go through this with him. He makes me want to be a better person each and every day.
He and I have some of the greatest conversations. I feel like God is teaching us so much. I feel like this is "the age of the church". The church is such an essential part of our survival in this world. I will be the first to admit my frustrations with the church and people in it. I have avoided going to church during certain times of my life and have been disappointed in how the church has responded or NOT responded to certain situations. Yet God is revealing to me....I am not in charge. You would think that as I fail time and time again that it would start to sink in that I am not in charge, I'm not as strong as I think I am, and frankly I'm just in the way sometimes!!! It is only thought my weakness that God can work through me and do big things for His kingdom. Like the Steven Curtis Chapman song says, "God is God and I am not, I can only see a part of the picture he's painting, God is God and I am man, so I'll never understand it all for only God is God." I think for a long time I have only been seeing part of the picture. I've been focusing on the humanity of church, pointing out the holes and weaknesses.... but not remembering that the church is full of sinners. THAT'S WHY WE'RE THERE. We admit that we are nothing, we are sinful, and anything but righteous. We need Christ.
I believe wholeheartedly that the devil's major plan is to divide us and distract us. We live in such a busy society. You must be borderline overwhelmed to be a contributor of society. You must demonstrate some sort of seniority over others. You must be successful according to the world's standards. The message is that if people aren't doing what you think they should, they need to either get it figured out or move on. Again, I admit totally and completely that I am SOOOOO guilty of thinking these things and placing these judgements on others. These are the things that divide and conquer us.
It is through the isolation of people that depression and suicidal ideation thrive. People need to be connected to people. It is the responsibility of the church to change this. The body is sooo important. Our creator is well aware of this and instructs us to be a part of the body. The body should all work together, no part is better or above another. In fact the bible even says that if your spiritual gift does not benefit those around you, don't even do it. REALLY?? We have this idea beat into our head to show off and prove that we have something others don't or we're better at it and we need others to see our gifts. Yet the bible says not to even bring that attitude or those actions around the body. If others don't benefit from your actions and what you're doing, there is no place for it.
How that would change my ways if I could keep that my focus. To only do the things that build others and encourage others. To remember it's not about me...
It's been about a month now since he got here. It's definitely been a period of adjustment. Until this point we have not had the opportunity to live together as a married couple. Some days we rub each other the wrong way, and other days are pure joy. All the same, I am so thankful I get to go through this with him. He makes me want to be a better person each and every day.
He and I have some of the greatest conversations. I feel like God is teaching us so much. I feel like this is "the age of the church". The church is such an essential part of our survival in this world. I will be the first to admit my frustrations with the church and people in it. I have avoided going to church during certain times of my life and have been disappointed in how the church has responded or NOT responded to certain situations. Yet God is revealing to me....I am not in charge. You would think that as I fail time and time again that it would start to sink in that I am not in charge, I'm not as strong as I think I am, and frankly I'm just in the way sometimes!!! It is only thought my weakness that God can work through me and do big things for His kingdom. Like the Steven Curtis Chapman song says, "God is God and I am not, I can only see a part of the picture he's painting, God is God and I am man, so I'll never understand it all for only God is God." I think for a long time I have only been seeing part of the picture. I've been focusing on the humanity of church, pointing out the holes and weaknesses.... but not remembering that the church is full of sinners. THAT'S WHY WE'RE THERE. We admit that we are nothing, we are sinful, and anything but righteous. We need Christ.
I believe wholeheartedly that the devil's major plan is to divide us and distract us. We live in such a busy society. You must be borderline overwhelmed to be a contributor of society. You must demonstrate some sort of seniority over others. You must be successful according to the world's standards. The message is that if people aren't doing what you think they should, they need to either get it figured out or move on. Again, I admit totally and completely that I am SOOOOO guilty of thinking these things and placing these judgements on others. These are the things that divide and conquer us.
It is through the isolation of people that depression and suicidal ideation thrive. People need to be connected to people. It is the responsibility of the church to change this. The body is sooo important. Our creator is well aware of this and instructs us to be a part of the body. The body should all work together, no part is better or above another. In fact the bible even says that if your spiritual gift does not benefit those around you, don't even do it. REALLY?? We have this idea beat into our head to show off and prove that we have something others don't or we're better at it and we need others to see our gifts. Yet the bible says not to even bring that attitude or those actions around the body. If others don't benefit from your actions and what you're doing, there is no place for it.
How that would change my ways if I could keep that my focus. To only do the things that build others and encourage others. To remember it's not about me...
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